My Yoga Has Been Secretly Replaced With Angry Running.

Day 11 of my 120 days of yoga.


I did well the first three days. The fourth day, something happened. I was very distracted and I quit yoga in the middle of it and went to the gym. I started on the eliptical machine, but became starngely drawn to the treadmill in row in front of me. I can’t run well. My feet have contractures and the repetitive pounding can be very painful, but not that day. Maybe it was the music, but I think it’s less Rage Against The Machine on my Ipod and more rage I have cultivated inside of me thanks to my immune system acting like a meth-head on a crime spree.


I not sure what I’m angry about. My condition is stabilized, but every now and then I have transient thoughts of opportunities missed in my 30’s- but that could be more of a turning 40 thing. It could be related to my ongoing life with Scleroderma and Sarcoidosis, but that feels very ego-centric to me. Everyone has ups and downs throughout their life. Why would mine be any more difficult? Maybe it’s the silence of having a stable condition. No ER visits and fewer flare-ups have given me time to slow down, smell the flowers and notice a few of them stink.


Since that fourth day, I start with a warm up on the floor with some yoga for about 20 minutes, then on to the treadmill. I start slow, take big strides that feel like lunges to me, and then back to a comfortable pace while intermittently raising my treadmill speed two beeps at a time. After 10 minutes, something very strange happens. I get this burst. It’s not happy or sad, it just is. Like someone's targeting me with a rocket launcher from the eliptical machine behind me and suddenly fires. I explode and run like I stole something for a few minutes, then I drop my speed to fast walking and continue this walk/burst thing until my 60 minutes on the treadmill is up. When I’m finished I feel emotionally lighter. It works better than any sedatives I’ve ever taken. Somehow, this running is helping me rid myself of stinky flowers. Maybe that means someday when I stop to smell the flowers, they will make me happy instead of reminding me of what might have been.

This Time, It's Personal. I Had to Say Something.

Not Slums, Jobs. Are Yoi Listening Murrieta?

I had to say something. Some of us with ongoing chronic conditions live on fixed incomes and need Section 8 housing and also appreciate affordable housing.

When I came to Murrieta, the population was a booming 29,000. At the table next to me was a group of teenagers. They were concerned their peers were being led astray of their Christian Faith because of Harry Potter’s glamorizing of witchcraft. The group appeared to conclude Harry Potter was not good for Christianity. The one fragmented statement I remember verbatim is, “…if you are not a Christian, get out of here.”

Being new to the community, I just blew it off as a group of teenagers in a phase. My first Halloween was an eye opener. It’s a holiday to me. Not because I worship Satan, because I do not. It is the day of the dead. I know two things, we all die and certainty is a reason to celebrate. We had very few trick or treaters that night. The next day, a small group of my neighbors paid a visit to express their concern regarding my relationship with their Lord, Jesus Christ. I thought it was nice my neighbors were thoughtful enough to want to include me in their after life, seriously. More than two weeks is long time to spend with anyone, let alone eternity. I have met some very thoughtful and giving people in Murrieta of all faiths. I bring up Christianity because it appears to be the most popular and Jesus was a huge fan of the poor- at least that's what he appeared to be with all that caring for them and all.

I grew up in Orange County, before it was ever called “The O.C.” We pledged allegiance to the flag, we said “Under God” and never really thought about it, we understood the separation of church and state. There was choir in public school where we sang about P.T. Barnum and CCD on Saturday where we sang about Jesus and talked about about eating him. I don’t remember people advertising what faith they practiced. Here in Murrieta, you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting an SUV with a "Not of This World" bumper sticker. The question, “Where’s the part about a Christian country in the constitution?” has become a rhetorical one because I have yet to receive an answer. But my shock about the community I have grown to love and call my home did not come from the photographs, it came from an email.


At first, I thought it was spam. Then I realize the person who sent it was a business associate. Here is the text. I did a straight copy and paste of the email because I want you to see what I read.
“Hello

I am writing this e-mail to raise awareness about the 80-acre slum housing project to be built across the street from Antelope Hills Elementary School, in Murrieta. This project will contain somewhere between 1,400 and 2,400 low income units, including a large area of Section 8 housing. The Slum Projects will span from Antellope Hills to the Orchard Tree Shopping Center, and from Clinton-Keith Road to north of the Target Store.
Obviously, this project will affect us all personally. Antellope Hills, Shivela, Vista Murrieta and Murrieta Mesa schools will never be the same, either.

The project is scheduled for final vote on:
Wednesday, December 8, 2010, at 6 p.m. at the Murrieta City Hall.
Please plan on being there to protest the project.

Please send this e-mail to anyone you know who may be interested. Protest events are being organized before the vote. If you know someone who would like to help, please have them call…”

I decline to name the author of this email because he/she can do their own advertising. Reading this from someone I respected, shocked me into doing research. Today, the pictures shocked me into writing about it.


There are so many residents of the Inland Valley who are unemployed, on the brink of or in foreclosure while some are clearly confused about the definition of the word “slum”. The lot in the picture is Antelope Hills, north of the new Super Target shopping center on Clinton Keith near the 215. Lots of tape was used to secure these handmade signs. They were around and directly on the private property. As you can see a sign was taped over the sign explaining the usage of the property. The group against this project clearly does not wish to hide their obvious disdain for those who do not share their income bracket. They can’t even come up with something clever about the increasing number of empty homes due to foreclosure. Their strong suit appears to be four letter words like “Slum”.

Let’s clear something up right now. A slum is not built. A slum is a product of dilapidated real estate and slum lords, usually occupied by those with low incomes because that’s what they can afford. I find this display disgusting and I hope it is coming from a misguided minority of this community. Everyone has a right to their opinion, but this appears to be destructive.
Here’s what those “slums” will bring to this community- jobs. Construction jobs, remember those? You need someone to build the foundation, framers, dry wallers, electricians and plumbers. Not to mention the businesses who support those construction jobs like Dixiline, Lowe’s and Home Depot. Those workers have to eat too, right? They will need things like gas and office supplies. The finished homes will need maintenance, furniture, the occupants will need things like groceries and TV’s. Not to mention there’s a giant medical center they are building up the street and it will bring medical and support personnel who need places to live. Some will just be starting out. Some more established members of that community will help us with our empty high end real estate problem. Not to mention newly discharged Veterans, starting out after serving their country. Some will be loking for an affordable place to call home. Some will be disabled and will need to retrain for employment or recover from serious injury. That's not an easy road. I have experienced it first hand and you really need the breaks where you can get them during that transition. Are those signs in the picture what we want to welcome new members of our community who might prefer to live nearby rather than commute? If so, Murrieta may be missing a great opportunity. Stay tuned.

A Daughter's Memory of Veteran's Day

My dad and I had very little in common until I joined the military. He served as a Marine in Vietnam. I was in the Navy during Desert Storm. He was very surprised I chose to serve.

At 19, I was working as a manicurist in Davis, California. To be honest, I just wanted to get out of there. I had just broken up with my boyfriend who was as hot as Bradley Cooper, with the personality of Jack Nicholson's character in "The Shinning". Davis was a college town and I was still unsure what I wanted to do with my life, I just knew I didn't want to be in Davis. My very 1st choice was Club Med, but they never returned my calls. Then I looking into the Army and figured out I didn't like running, let alone running with an 80lb rucksack on my back. I decided on the Navy because they promised me an automatic promotion (in writing) to E-4 after 2 years upon completion of Radioman A School. I started bootcamp in July. Then Saddam invaded Kuwait and ruined what was supposed to be my Christmas in France.

My dad enlisted in the Marines. He spent time in Vietnam. My mom has told me stories about how she used to watch the war on TV. My dad didn't talk about it much. When I was a baby we lived in Chicago where my dad worked as a computer programmer in his last years in the Marines. We lived there until my dad got out, shortly after my sister was born in1974. The thing that strikes me most about being a veteran is it gave my dad and me something to talk about. I'll never forget my first Veteran's Day in 1994. I had just started college in La Crosse, Wisconsin. My dad called me and wished me a happy Veteran's Day. It felt like an unexpected right of passage. I could feel how proud he was to say that to me on the other end of the phone a thousand miles away. Over the last 16 years since I've been out of the Navy, my dad and I have forgotten birthdays and holidays, but there's always a phone call on Veteran's Day

Does My Butt Make My Butt Look Big?

So, I stepped on the scale yesterday and the digital screen must be broken or something. It said I weighed 142 lbs. That’s not bad, but for a 5’1 ½” me, it’s a bit on the chunky side.

I can’t diet. No, let me rephrase that, I won’t diet. My esophagus is so damaged and with the progression of my disease, I don’t cut anything out of my diet unless it causes me harm, such as alcohol and jalapenos. So, I’ve got to get moving. With hand and foot contractures, not to mention zero fat pads on my feet, high impact exercises such as running is out. I’d like to get back o swimming, but with the cold weather, I risk a Raynaud’s attack so I’m going to challenge myself to 120 days of yoga.

So, here I go. Would today be Day 120 or Day1? I will go with Day 120 because I like to count backwards. So, here I go. I give it 7 days. Maybe we could get a pool going?

I also added this blog to Open Salon. It has a built in audience and maybe we could raise some awarenss there. If you are already a member and would like to follow me there, just type Karen Vasquez into the search box. My first blog will be an introduction to Scleroderma and Sarcoidosis for new readers. After that, posts will be identical.

So here I go, Day 120. I'll keep you all posted. Have a great day everyone!
For more Reading"

"Exercise Can Help" By Jane Brandenstein, P.T., University of Pittsburgh Medical Center (originally published in "Scleroderma Foundation Newsline," vol. 2, no. 3, Summer/Fall 1999)